Gashes, gashes, we all fall down
by couldbesun
Summary: Soon his arms were covered in the reminder of how much she was there for him. Decorating was always so much fun. Shorty little dark sadstuck of sorts that I've been wanting to do for a while... Alt. timeline, rated T for swearing, blood, and a rather dark theme in general...
1. If you could

**I've had this idea in my head for a while, but really no idea how to execute it.**

**It's a sadstuck (of sorts), alternate timeline. It'll be fairly short, only a few chapters that should go up pretty quickly.**

**I've wanted to write something of this style for a while... wish me luck!**

* * *

**-z/S**

This is by far the best use for it. It's not like it ever served you any purpose.

Ha! Blood, who needs blood? It looks prettier on the walls. She would agree. You know she would. She always liked your blood.

"See? It just needed a touch of color. You always liked colors. That tube is sucking the colors out of you, but it's the only way for you to enjoy a properly decorated room. It's the only way to keep you around!"

Maybe it could use some more... red.

Another slash, and a more fresh, more vibrant red appears. It spatters on the wall. You feel faint, but it's worth it. Anything to make this room as pretty as possible for her. She deserves it. She was always there for you, and now you're repaying her! Besides, you have to make it up to her somehow... you knew that locking that door was a bad idea.

_She was on the roof, staring at a trail of sparkly dust that extended into the black. You walk up to her. She turns to you, and hugs you tightly. She whispers something in your ear, and tells you to run. You'll never forget what she whispered. She pushes you away, and screams at you to run, run away. You try to grab her hand, but she pulls away, saying she'll have to deal with this herself. You blink, about to protest, but she pushes you toward the door. You reluctantly start running, and close the door. Through it, you hear her scream "Jack!" Kanaya is there with you, and she locks the door. You finally realize what is happening, right as Kanaya grabs you, anticipating your next move. You're screaming, cussing and crying and begging her to let you go, let you go defend her. She just holds you, keeping you from saving her. Keeping you from your second half. At some point, you don't know when, she finally releases you. You scramble to unlock the door, screaming "No!"_

_Another slash, and a more fresh, more vibrant teal appears. It paints the roof a beautiful color. The color of her._

_You're frozen. Kanaya grabs you again, and drags you back inside. She locks the door, and scrambles down the steps, towing you down, down to safety._

_But it doesn't matter anymore. The painted girl was the only thing keeping you sane._

_It was only a matter of time before you turned into what you are now._

You stare at the girl in the tube, with the slash in her chest, right over her heart. There was some dried blood that had dripped down, three little drips... Her once fiery eyes are now a mild white. She is forever staring with a sad smile and a heartbreaking gaze.

Your one remaining wish was to make up for all the times she made you happy, or saved your ass, or made you think of how lucky you are just to have her. And to have that warming feeling whenever she walked in.

So you paid her back with the only thing you could think of that she loved that you had.

Red. You had a phenomenal supply of red in your very veins.

At first you were reluctant. I mean, cutting yourself just to make a dead girl happy? That was low.

But as time passed, and her smile seemed to get sadder... your words of love just didn't seem like enough.

That first gash made all the difference. The pain only made you think that you were really paying her back. And the red... well. You knew she would have loved it.

You hadn't thought of that as the breaking point, you had thought of it as the lifting point. Her sad smile grew less sad, you thought.

And her room looked so pretty.

Soon your arms were covered, and nobody had seen you in days.


	2. ever forgive

You finally wake up from one of your episodes. Sometimes you paint too much and it makes you sleepy, so you sleep without meaning to and when you wake up you're tired and dizzy and hungry and covered in blo- paint. Your head is killing you.

"Oops. Sorry, Tez. Didn't mean to think that word. It won't happen again, I promise. I know that I say that every time but this time I mean it, I swear."

She just stares, like always.

"Don't give me that look, I'm always doing nice things for you! See how nice and pretty your room is now? It was so dirty gray and drab before, like skin. I'm sure it's a little relief to have a little cherry to go with your pavement, like an ice cream cone on the ground."

You stare back at her, a little bit of blo- no, paint seeping from your arm. Your gaze drops to your mutilated forearms.

Light gray scars overlap with dark red lines overlap with bright red gashes. It reminds you of the time she convinced you to ballroom dance with her in her respiteblock. You were so mismatched, her in a pretty little gown, you in your regular shirt and pants, but you had fit together perfectly. She had even managed to get you to smile...

That was the first time she had kissed you for real, and if those little pecks could feel like a thousand suns imploding up and down your body, then you could never have imagined what that long, passionate, lingering kiss could do to you.

For a week after that, you would blush every time she walked by, avoiding her gaze because if you didn't, you wouldn't be able to hold back. She, of course, took it the wrong way, trying time and time again to get you to look at her, but you couldn't. She was too radiant to stand. You ended up yelling at her, calling her terrible names and saying the most hurtful things and you don't know why it happened like that. Maybe you thought that you would be able to look at her if her face were twisted in hurt and confusion.

To be honest, it was a little easier. It was a lot harder, too.

An old wound reopens, because you've been scratching again. You've been scratching at it and finally it just burst, dripping bl- **paint**, down your arm. You hold your arm up so that it drips onto your face. A drop falls into your eye. It stings a little bit, but nothing you can't handle. You open your mouth, taking just a few drops, for you aren't a rainbow drinker. You'll have to get more food soon, and water even sooner, but this will sustain you for now. You won't have to face the judgemental faces that used to be supportive.

Supportive until the Great Lifting.

The lifting of the corners of her mouth.

The first cut.

You'll sneak up there when they all go to sleep. You always do. The only person you've talked to for almost a half sweep now is Tez. Even in the dream bubbles, you sneak off to a corner and hide. You haven't met any of the ancestors, and you don't want to. You're almost positive that Tez would be in one of the dream bubbles, messing around with her ancestor, who's almost positively as cool and crazy as she is. You bet that yours is just as much of a failure as you are, too.

You're feeling faint again. Hopefully you'll wake up in time to raid the nutrition block without being bothered by the people you used to call friends. You have to stop sleeping so much, it has to be bad for you.

You set a mental alarm. They never work, but you still set one.

"Goodnight for now, Tez."


	3. Author's Note

**Hi****followers****/****stumblers****! ****I****just****wanted****to****make****a****quick****little****announcement****. ****I****might****not****be****continuing****this****fic****. ****I****'****d****really****like****to****, ****if****I****have****time****, ****but****my****priorities****are****set****elsewhere****. ****I****am****pretty****proud****of****it****, ****but****so****much****has****happened****since****then****and****I****'****m****just****not****sure****. ****For****now****, ****consider****it****on****official****hiatus****.**

**Sorry****to****disappoint****.**

**-****z****/****S**


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